Forward Thinking

img_1540Yes, now and then my mind wanders ahead to Spring. Earthy smelling dirt. Seed packets, bearing photos of perfection. Fresh breezes. Clothes flapping on the clothesline. Chickens scratching for bits of sweet green anything. Windows open. Floors scrubbed clean. Fresh baked bread aromatherapy. Even my daydreams fall under the heading of simple.

Isn’t it funny how we run ahead , looking for that perfect moment in time ? It’s a constant. I’ve noticed. Over and over again. When Spring comes… when I get my flight booked to B.C….when I get these buildings fixed up… when I get one more client to clean for…. when the beans are ready for a hodge podge. These past few days I’ve been preparing for a ‘guest’ who will be staying for months. I’m excited for a number of reasons, and want her room as cozy as I can possibly make it. For starters,  all my stuff has to come out of there. Weeding  things out that no longer serve me has been on my mental to-do list for … ever! Timing is everything. I’m in the mood too, so my efforts are flowing along nicely.  However, there was a ripple effect from all this cleaning that I wasn’t prepared for. The emotional part. Years of  so many memories that were tucked in boxes, on shelves, in drawers…..and some in my heart, slightly forgotten. I couldn’t believe how much it jarred me, to be face to face with the passing of years remembered in one way or another, in that one room. A onsie in the bottom drawer. Dryden is 5 and Elijah is 4.  Already!  A photo of Greg and me in front of our wonky Christmas tree, when he still was. I came across lots of photos. Letters from the girls from B.C.  So much water under the bridge since they left home. Music boxes. Clothes I’m happy to say ‘good bye’ to. Dust. A belt from Keji that got left behind. More photos , from a trip to Quebec, thanks to Keji. Beautiful greeting cards. The Mother’s Day ones make my eyes sting. Pennies and old coins. Gift bags. An old Brownie camera still in the box….obviously, capturing memories has been monumental for generations. I’m not original in any way, speed walking down memory lane. Everyone does it when nudged in the right way. For me, I’ve embraced it. I’m thankful and ready for the change coming in my life. I welcome the nudge to  decide right now,  what stays and what goes. I’ve given myself permission to release whatever I want to, and allow myself to hang onto items of comfort too. My puddle-y eyes recover quicker when I grab a kleenex and let go. I’m not even going to blame menopause. It’s just the way I’m glued together. Heart and eyes a wee bit too close.

I’m happy to say my weeding of things and  my welcoming of a boarder does not mean I have finally arrived at my destination.  I’m not there yet. I’m not ready to stop moving or trying new things or figuring out what else I want to experience.  I never want to arrive! I love not knowing what’s around the corner and I really love how The Universe keeps surprising me  with gifts I could never dream up for myself. From what I’ve observed, all I have to do is make room  for more.

 

 

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